Teen Substance Abuse

48 hours ago my son entered treatment. Taking him to treatment was a mind numbing event. You go through the motions but it is a surreal experience.

We knew over a week ago that he was going to need treatment. We were in limbo waiting for him to say that he was ready. But the actual act of taking him there and saying good bye does not hit you until after the fact.

Yesterday was a difficult day emotionally. I had held it together for the last week in a half knowing this was the path we were on, so yesterday was the first day I let it all settle in and I cried for both the loss and the hope.

This is a difficult time for all of us. Will treatment be effective, will he work the program, will he accept the program? Hope, you must always have it to sustain life. He asked for treatment, that is what keeps my hope alive.

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It has been 12 days since my sons most recent relapse. This relapse has lifted a veil of denial on his part.

For the past week he has attended NA meetings, talked to the group at these meetings as well as individuals. It has helped but not enough.

This past Sunday he told us of the cravings. He is in a great deal of emotional/psychological pain. He cannot stop these thoughts or desires to use. He is communicating to us in way he has not done in a very long time. There is honesty and truth in telling us of his struggle. We are not angry, we are scared for him and he is scared for himself.

At 4:52pm my cell phone rang yesterday. My son said that he wants to go into treatment. I am hopeful.

Defining moments…a relapse, love and support of family & friends, letting go of the denial, asking for help…

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My son is now in 9th grade. The summer before entering high school was calm for the most part. We enjoyed a couple of family vacations with just ourselves and extended family. Our son went to Philmont, New Mexico and hiked for three weeks with the Boy Scouts. From the outside all looked well, even from the inside we thought all was well.

A couple of weeks before school started, I remember a conversation with my son. We were in the car going somewhere. He always opens up and talks in the car. We sit next to each other, but he does not have to make eye contact, maybe that is why it is easier for him to talk. Anyway, he boldly stated, that while hiking in New Mexico that he had told himself that he would not use drugs in high school.

Now if I was not constantly wearing blinders, I would have understood that he just told me he already used drugs, but I did not hear that or understand that at the time.

Little did I know, but within the first few days of high school my son would be absorbed into a world of drugs…changing landscape.

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Sustainable change comes from within oneself. As much as we want to change someone, we cannot. They must choose to change.

Our son, is now seeking change on his own for the first time. I believe treatment and therapy helped along the way. He received the messages, he just did not want to open those messages or truly read and understand them till now. Will this change be sustainable? Time will tell.

Please keep sending those messages, windows will open and change will occur.

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Before the storm, now looking back, was a naive time in our lives. Actually we, the parents, had blinders on. I think we innately knew that all was not well, but we did not know what we were looking at.

Before the storm looked like this. Our son did well in school and continued to excel on swim team and enjoy Boy Scouts. We made it through the huffing incident or so we thought.

Friends began to change. The life-long friend had disappeared from our son’s life. We tried to believe that this was a normal growing apart. The new friends were a group of boys who enjoyed skateboarding. Some of the boys, my son had known since kindergarten. For the most part, they were and are today a great group of guys.

One boy does stand out to me though, in hindsight. This boy was a child of divorce living in a home with a step father. The boy had communicated to my son that the step father physically abused him. Red flags went up, looking back this was a friendship that I should have watched more closely. So although red flags indicated a possible problem here, I did not request my son to halt this friendship. Besides, forcing a child to end a friendship in and of itself can cause problems.

So I watched this friendship, carefully. Several incidents stand out to me. The first was that we learned that the boy smoked. The boy was 14 years old at the time and as parents we were not happy about this boys choices. Little did we know, our son was doing the same. The boy would runaway or leave his home for several hours when he had difficulties with his stepfather. My son told me the boy had spent the night in a local park after an argument with the stepfather, then rode the school bus in the morning. Initially I did not want to believe the boy had spent the night alone in a park. But our own experience would soon show me that this was possible.

During this time, 8th grade, our son continued to have erratic behavior at times, as well. He actually ran away himself, one night, after an argument involving not wearing his helmet while skateboarding. Hindsight is 20/20, this argument that caused our son to run away escalated out of control very quickly. I actually remember thinking at the time, something is wrong, why is our son reacting in this manner?

We called the police and reported him as a runaway. That is a heartbreaking thing to do. We had to give a photo and description to the police. Several hours later our phone rang. Our son was at a church where his Boy Scout meeting met. My husband picked him up and brought him home. The police waited at our home to speak with our son. They wanted to make sure he felt safe in our house. This was a scary moment, with our son’s erratic behavior, he could have told the police anything, but he told them he wanted to be home with his parents.

After this event, we still lived in this quasi-limbo period, knowing something was not right but not knowing what that was. Before the storm….

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This is a first for my son, 5 meetings in 5 days. He decided to do this on his own, with no encouragement from us, his Mom and Dad. I have to believe that this is a great step forward.

His most recent relapse was a big scare for him. He conveyed some details, but I believe he has not told us everything…whatever has caused him to look at himself differently, I am thankful for. I will always believe that he will seek change from within. It is internal motivators that will bring him lasting, positive change in his life.

He returned from rehab at the age of 17. His counselors had told us that he would relapse and that only external motivators, such as drug testing, parental consequences, etc…would sustain his sobriety. How right they were. He has had many slips and periodic relapses.

This past fall he went to college, dorm life and all that college exposes him to. He relapsed immediately. Had he not recognized his relapse and vulnerability, he probably would not have made it through his first semester. But he continued to seek legal and illegal drugs from then on…the cravings never seemed to have subsided, until his most recent relapse…

5 meetings, 5 days, I am hopeful and remember to take it one day at a time, for all of us.

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It was the fall of 2005. My son was 13 years old and in 7th grade. He was always a happy boy, who took pride in his school work and his sports activities. He had a small group of friends, as well as a best friend. His best friend was a serious, year-round baseball player, so he was not always available to play with. It was during this time that I began to notice a change in my son. He would become excited, jittery, could not sit still. This behavior seemed to come from out of nowhere, one minute calm then a few minutes later, literally bouncing off the walls. It was during this time that my son began to complain of severe headaches.

The severe headaches would usually occur at school, around 1pm in the afternoon, consistently. I remember picking him up from school several times during these headache bouts. One time in particular stands out. He got into the car, his eyes rolled back in his head. I tried to rouse him, he would respond, but it seemed that he was in a great deal of pain. I called our family physician, who saw him immediately. What was odd to me was that the doctor’s office urine tested him upon our arrival. My son was nervous about this, I assured him it was routine. Honestly, it never occurred to me, nor was I informed that the doctor was drug testing my son. The urine test was negative for whatever they were looking for. The doctor’s office could not explain the headaches, possibly a hormonal change was given. After repeated headaches, my son was referred to an eye doctor. The eye doctor thought he saw something and ordered a CAT scan of my sons brain, the CAT scan was negative thankfully.

The headaches persisted. I began Googling the internet for explanations for my sons behavior and headaches. I recall finding a site where a mother spoke of huffing. I had never heard of this, But the headaches and erratic behavior was too similar to ignore. I began searching my sons bedroom and bathroom. In his bathroom, in the back of a drawer I found Expo pens and White Out fluid. Immediately, I called my husband and family physician, we all agreed that our son was probably huffing, breathing in toxic fumes to get high. Our son denied that this is what he had been doing, but we went ahead with meeting with a therapist to discuss his behavior. Our son visited the therapist 3 or 4 times, the therapist believed our son that he was not huffing and ended treatment. The headaches went away and we thought all was well…..

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72 hours ago my son relapsed. He used bath salts, aka synthetic cocaine, admitted using all of it over a 10 hour binge, plus beer and Xanax. He is alive, thank God. This relapse was different than previous relapses. He told us, his parents, what he had done. First we received a text that he was having a bad day and planned to attend a NA meeting. Attending meetings is an unusual behavior for him. He never wants to admit that he has a problem. Going to meetings is admitting there is a problem.

We had been traveling that day and did not see him until early evening, after he had gone to the NA meeting. He ate dinner with us and then began to cry. This too is an unusual behavior. He told us what he had done and that he had lost control. It seems that this loss of control scared him. Maybe this will be his moment. I hope so. His father is much more optimistic than me.

72 hours, 3 meetings plus he picked up a chip last night. I am hopeful. I am his Mom and I love him.

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When a parent learns their child/teenager/young adult has addiction, a journey begins. It is a sequence of climbing mountains, steep declines into valleys, plateaus. Basically a series of 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Lately, my family is pedaling backwards, hanging on for the next explosion. That word addiction is ugly. It means you can not fix what is ailing your child with an antibiotic, there is no cure. No cure, those are the harshest words to hear.

We heard the word addiction 4 years ago. At the same time, we heard there is no cure. It rips your gut out. You stumble, gasp, are blinded, just sick to your stomach. Once you get through the initial shock, learning and understanding begins to enter. My family is still stumbling. Notice, I said my family, you see addiction affects all family members not just the addict.

For those of you who are new to addiction and those of you well into the journey like myself, my intent is for this blog to help us all in our journey to recovery for our families and our addicts.

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